| Vintage Videogame Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall Of The Foot Clan |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|10:30 am] |
Well, I'm home today, so I'll be planted in front of photoshop for most of the day.
But to warm myself up (or to make excuses for momentary procrastination), I rolled over to the desk beside my bed and grabbed my GBA for some portable throw-down. I decided I'd go for a classic, so I grabbed my old Ninja Turtle game.
Tonight I dine on turtle soup.
Okay, some history is in order. this game came out three weeks prior to my birthday back in 1990, so in addition to getting Super Mario 3, my father offered to get a Gameboy game. I immediately fingered the new Ninja Turtle game, as it was still in the day that I didn't know any better to not buy property-licensed games. Fortunately, it was a Konami title, so I didn't have much to worry about, anyway.
And since I was always thinking ahead, I actually brought my Gameboy with me so that I could play it on the way home. What followed still stands as my personal all-time fastest completion of any video game ever. I beat the game in fifteen minutes ON THE CAR RIDE HOME. Literally, the credits were rolling as we pulled into the driveway. Considering that this was the day of the old pea-green Gameboy with the blurry screen and the poor lighting, this was nothing to sneeze at.
To my father, who never really understood video games, finishing a game so quickly just meant that it was a colossal waste of money. I didn't understand way. Certainly, when you buy a movie or music album, you're only getting a brief period of entertainment for something that you're going to own for an extended period of time. I didn't see how this was any different. Besides, this game was actually fun, and I'd be playing it again and again.
And indeed I have. Of all the old black-and-white Gameboy games, this stands as one of the true all-time gems, as far as I'm concerned.
So what's this all about? Why are the Turtles chasing after Shredder and Krang this time? Well, again, the game shows its Super Mario roots by giving us yet another damsel-in-distress cookie cutter plot. The Foot have captured April, and the Turtles have to get her back! Why do they kidnap April? I don't know! I guess... to lure the Turtles?
Being the early 90s, the game is based on the old TV series, the one with Cam Clarke as the voice of Leonardo. So naturally, the game maintains the overall appearance of the series, even so far as having still captures from the actual show in between stages. Of course, these were usually accompanied by Engrishy captions which, while not anywhere near as bad as "WE SABE APRUH!", they are just a tad higher than "spoony bard" in terms of intelligability.
The play control is spot on, and the graphics have held up moderately well. They're simplistic, but you can tell who all the characters are supposed to be.
And for being such an old game, the music holds up rather well, too. It's nothing to write home about, but the sewer level theme is rather catchy. And yes, the TV theme is there, too.
The unbalanced collision detection is probably my only gripe, and since it actually works in your favor, it makes the game insanely easy. Basically, the baddies almost have to be on top of you in order to register a hit, but if you so much as look at them with a mean stare, they explode violently. Yes, EVERYTHING explodes.
There are even some exploits you can perform with the controls to basically turn your turtle into into a robot-killing machine. If you find yourself surrounded, you can instantly kill enemies on both sides by simply tapping the attack button and immediately changing direction. Another slighly less useful trick is a two-in-one kick-and-slash attack. As you're coming down from a jump, hit the attack button right before you touch the ground. You'll perform a kick, but as you hit the ground, you'll also swing your weapon. It's a bit harder to pull off, but if you've got two enemies approaching you, you can get both of them with the combo hit.
And I must admit that doing the jump combo is rather superfluous, seeing as the standard weapon has such ridiculous range that you can usually slice through two or three enemies at a time, anyway. It's more of a show-off move than anything.
The game gives you four lives, one for each turtle. Each time a turtle is defeated, they are captured. You don't get any 1-ups or chances to rescue, because you don't need them. This game is only five stages long, and it's so easy, that if you completely fail, just sell all of your consoles and find another hobby.
Should you need an energy boost, there are three mini-games dispursed throughout the levels that will refill your power if you win. They're dumb, but they're worth playing. The first one is a reductionist "guess the number" game, the second is kind of a match stick game played with throwing stars (it defies explanation, but it's pretty stupid), and the third is a shooting gallery.
The enemies are predictable. You have the Foot Soldiers, the Mousers, and whatever those unicycle droids were called. There were also gyrocoptor bugs, which I'm not sure ever appeared in the cartoon series. And there are some more obtuse ones, such as angry missiles, sparks, and pits with flame-faces leaping out of them. What the hell is this? Is Shredder secretly in league with Bowser?
At the end of each stage is a boss. Again, you can probably predict who they are. Naturally, you had the regulars: Bebop, Rocksteady, Shredder, and Krang. At the end of Stage 3, you had Baxter Stockman, who was the unofficial "fifth banana" on the show's villain roster.
As I recall, Baxter was around for about half of the first season before being mutated into a fly. After that, he only made rare appearances.
Anyway, even the bosses are stupid easy. Needless to say, if you can't figure out how to beat Rocksteady or Baxter, you should just give up video games. Bebop is a little harder, but not too bad. Beating Shredder involve attacking him and walking away from his extremely slow katana swipe. And Krang is a little bit a bitch, but if you can jump away after attacking him, you'll easily evade his mighty stubby kick.
Basically, it is what it is, an early-generation Gameboy game. Don't expect a masterpiece, but if you spot it in a discount bin or can get it online for pennies on the dollar, you should probably pick it up. It's good classic gaming that you can fire through in a single sitting.
That's less time than it takes to deliver a pizza!
Don't worry, April! The turtles will be there in no time! Until then, YOU'VE GOT TO FIGHT TO BE FREE!
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amused
In case you're wondering, yes, that's Sue Storm from some early-to-mid 90s Fantastic Four issue. Apparently, that costume didn't last terribly long either, and for once, I think I'm glad. Not that I wouldn't mind seeing Sue Storm running around the Marvel Universe in a leotard, but that particular costume is just a little TOO silly.
