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TV's Mr. Neil

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Buckethead - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers cover [Oct. 1st, 2009|04:50 pm]
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This may shock some of you metal heads out there, but despite my creds as a bonafide metalhead, I don't own a single Buckethead album. I know! I know! I deserve to be dressed up in some heavy metal army jacket so that I can have my stripes and medals ripped off my uniform, just like they do in the movies. Dishonorable discharge from the metal brigade! But not the Kiss Army. Fuck Kiss. They suck.

Anyhoo, this seemingly pointless preface is my excuse for never having heard this before, because if I was a true blue Buckethead fan, which I ought to be, I would have known this exists, the same way I know that Ozzy Osbourne once covered Born To Be Wild with Miss Piggy. Or like that other time that he covered Purple Haze on an album that nobody owns. (except me) Knowing about and owning obscure recordings like this is what makes you a bonafide metalhead. And it is with great shame that I have to admit that I'd never ever heard this before...


You know what's shocking? I actually don't hate this theme song at all. It was probably the only thing about the Power Rangers that I actually liked. That is if they didn't overplay the chorus during every fight on the show. ...which I never watched. ...because the show is ridiculous and sucks and I never even liked Kimberly...I mean Amy...I mean that actress who I don't know.

Even so, I should probably look up who originally performed it, because it wouldn't surprise me if I recognize the band. The original song was actually pretty good, and this cover is even better, even though it treads on one of metal's greatest sins: the incorporation and overuse of keyboards.

After all, this song came into being right at that point in time when metal kind of dropped off and grunge took over for a day or two, and I kinda blame the ultra gothic heavy metal keyboardist for that shit. You hear me, Geoff Nicholls?! This is your fault!

Someone at Saban was like, "Yeah, we could hire Jesus Jones to do the theme song, but what this show really needs is some mean fret work on the D string. Someone get Impelliterri on the phone! This is gonna rock out loud."

And a lot of us really took it on the chin for a while, because for an entire decade, heavy metal lived on vicariously through this awful show that, to this day, just will not die. I never understood the Power Rangers craze. The only solace I get from that show is watching children of the 90s admit that it was shit. I'm glad I don't have to admit that the shows I watched as a kid suck.

...oh wait.

Oh well, at least something kept heavy metal alive, even if the song was about five of the squarest dorks to ever don spandex alter egos. But now that Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and (strangely enough) WWE have restored the balance and made heavy metal acceptable again, can we just fucking kill the Power Rangers? Are you listening to me, Disney?
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Michael Angelo Batio [Sep. 25th, 2009|01:00 am]
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Yes. This guy's name is Michael... Angelo. He's a heavy metal guitarist. I can only imagine what the other members of his band are named. Perhaps Don Atello and Leon Ardo.

I've had this silly picture on my hard drive for YEARS of this guy holding this ridiculous X-shaped, four-necked guitar. Never knew who it was, but it was so funny that I kept it all these years. Well, now I know who it is.



Hey, at least he picked a good song, even though the arpeggios are a little ridiculous in this version. I mean, there's an Yngwie Malmsteen version of this song, and even Yngwie doesn't overdo it this much.

This is almost like a parody of 80s metal.


Come on! I dare you not to laugh!
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Early Brian Johnson AC/DC [Sep. 11th, 2009|09:25 pm]
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No point to this really. I just like the way Brian Johnson's voice sounds in these older recordings. Can't put my finger on it exactly. I guess he wasn't as screechy back then.

Nothing against how he sounds now, of course. For a guy his age who has been putting his voice through hell for twenty years, the guy still sounds fantastic.

Still though...
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People actually believe... IN THE DEVIL! [Jul. 28th, 2009|05:20 pm]
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You know that one AC/DC song. The one with all the sexual innuendos?

Oh wait, that would be ALL OF THEM.

My last post was really inane, I realize. Every now and then, I prove just how much of a loser I am by going off on tangents about crap that nobody else cares about. Sometimes I think I'd make a good Seinfeld character, because I argue about crap like that.

Anyhoo, here's something else that doesn't matter.

So, I live in Wheaton, Illinois. Well, technically. Anyhoo, if you're familiar with the area, then you know that it allegedly has more churches per capita than any other town in the country. I don't know if that's actually true, but I've been told that a number times. What this means is that I can't have a conversation with anyone in this town without it turning into a confrontation.

WHAT?! Don't look at me like that. I don't start shit, honest! All I have to do is say something like, "I still haven't heard the new AC/DC album," and it just starts. Almost on cue, there's the ass hat who goes, "Oh, you mean Anti-Christs and Devil Children?"

Isn't that cute? I love when the conversations turn in this direction. There's nothing I like more than Bible thumpers making up acronyms for the bands I like and then pretending as though that's actually what their names stand for. Nevermind that the band had a lightning bolt in its logo, and three of the albums are named High Voltage, Powerage, and Flick Of The Switch. Clearly, this is all window dressing to the band's ulterior motive, which is to spread the word of Satan.

Okay, so there's actually a lot of this and that about Satan, but you'd have to be stupid to think that they're being serious. Oh wait, we're talking about fundamentalist Christians. That's right.

So, the conversation just derails, because I can't let it go.

Me: "So wait. You believe... IN THE DEVIL?! A red man in long pajamas, with a pitchfork and horns on his head? You think this being actually exists and isn't just some mythological acid trip?"
Idiot: "The greatest trick the devil ever played was to convince people that he doesn't exist."
Me: "That's cute. So what you're saying is that the absurdity of the devil is the work of the devil. Amazing. The only thing the devil had to do in order to convince me that he doesn't exist is to defy logic. He must really be evil if he can do that."
Idiot: "You don't have to get condescending."
Me: "Need I remind you that this whole derailment started when you became condescending?"
Idiot: "I can see that this conversation isn't going anywhere."
Me: "Fuck you."

Oh, and you have no idea how many times I've heard the one about KISS being the "Knights In Satan's Service". Good one, Gene. Thanks to your little joke, I've had to hear that one on nearly a monthly basis. And I don't even fucking like KISS.

It's also so weird looking at the CD collection of someone who reads the Bible like it's a history book. You ever do this? You flip through their CDs, and they have all of those Christian rock collections you see on TV. And they all have the same songs, too, like "I Can Only Imagine", "God Of Wonder", and "Open The Eyes Of My Heart". And the bands are always the same, too. You got Jars Of Clay, Mercy Me, and Amy Grant. What the fuck! Amy Grant? Who listens to that shit? When was the last time she was relevant, 1991?!

Seriously, though! It's like looking through the CD collection of someone who lives on another planet.

And what it is with Christian album covers? How come they all take the same monochrome picture, usually tinted to Lord Of The Rings brown, of the guy smiling while looking away from the camera? What's up with that? Look at the god damn camera, ya pussy!

God damn, Christian music sucks. Well, most of it. I'll give them credit if they write a song that has a good hook, but it can be brutal if the lyrics are too obnoxious.

I mean, take this, for example...



Now come on! That's not real! ...is it? I know that Bluefish TV is legit, but I can't find anything that suggests that this is a hoax. The video is actually hosted on a Christian website, which I don't understand at all. It's too ridiculous not to be fake, though, because it's like a parody of everything that's wrong with Christian music. They play the same sucky songs and try to gussy them up with a new style of music.

If that's real, then that's pretty sad. And if it's not, my hat goes off to whoever made that, because I was roaring with laughter through the whole thing.

EDIT: No, no, no! I just watched it a second time. That has GOT to be fake. That's just too over-the-top. When he starts going "Raaghraaghraaghraagh" through Silent Night, that just tops it. There's no way this isn't a spoof. No fucking way.
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The Justice Medley [Dec. 20th, 2008|12:30 pm]
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This is going to be a weird post, because I'm going to be simultaneously complementing and dissing Metallica. Mostly dissing, but there's still some stupid part of me that thinks they were once good.

Back in 1992, Metallica started performing a medley of tunes from the album "...And Justice For All" at their live shows, because every song on that album is ridiculously long, and some abbreviation would be a courtesy for those of us who get metal fatigue. (You can only listen to chugging riffs for so long before you begin to zone out.)

Of course, that's all you heard on this album was guitar chugging, because there's no bass. Well, there is...kind of...but I'm not sure if it's Jason Newsted. It might just be some weird feedback coming off the other guitars. It doesn't sound like an instrument. It just sounds like whoever mixed this album head something against stereo speakers and ear drums, because this album is kind to neither. This album is twenty years old, and I still firmly believe that whoever mixed it deserves to be punched in the mouth.

And even more astonishing is that this is actually considered by many to be the last "good" album. Every studio release that followed was terrible. Metallica, amazingly enough, is the only metal band in history that actually got WORSE when they learned harmony. How do you do worse than an album that has absolutely no harmony?!

Lars found the way.

To commemorate this event, the album that would follow "...And Justice For All" would be colored entirely black and not be given a name. It would be their way of saying, "This is Metallica. Adjust your expectations downward from now on." So, while some some think of "Justice" as being the last good album, I look at as being more of the linchpin that connects the previous three albums to the horror that was to come with later albums. It would only get worse from here. ...except it kind of got better.

For one gleaming moment in 1992, Metallica put out a huge gonzo crazy live box set, which featured three different live sets, one from Mexico City, one from Seattle, and one from San Diego, and all of them were made of pure 24 karat awesome. (Except for the parts where they played songs from the "black album", but those were more or less forgivable.) The only real sore spot I had about this set is that, at the time of its release, VHS was still the standard in the video market, so the San Diego and Seattle sets were confined to these honkin' huge cassette tapes.

As you might recall, though, I reviewed the DVD re-release of this set, in which they basically bundled the three shows in a five-disc jewel case (3 CDs and 2 DVDs), which rather conveniently fits into the old box set, if you swap out the original 3-CD Mexico set. Mine was all cracked and broken anyway, and one of the discs had a skip. Of course, the best thing about the re-release is that, unlike the VHS, the San Diego show isn't cut into two parts! Hooray!

Anyway, about a third of the way through the Mexico City and San Diego sets, they break out into this medley of various songs from the "Justice" album. This is quite a blessed event, because if I had to sit through a concert where Metallica attempted to even play a majority of the songs from that album, I'd likely slit my arms open from wrist to elbow, because just like today's Hollywood directors, Metallica apparently didn't know how to edit or be concise back then. They had ten minutes of song, and goddammit, they were going to record every second of it! Who the hell do they think they are? Iron Maiden?!

Unfortunately, "One", the most overrated Metallica song of all time, was given it's own full-length performance. Yay. (The previous "Yay" is to be read with a complete absence of enthusiasm.)

There really were a lot of great guitar riffs on the "Justice" album, if you cut down on all the monotonous chugga-chugga-chugga crap, that is. Metallica managed to cut it down to include most of the best parts of "Blackened", "Frayed Ends of Sanity", "Eye Of The Beholder" (I didn't Lars was a D&D nerd), and of course, "...And Justice For All". And best of all, it was actually mixed properly, so you didn't wreck your speakers listening to it! Hellzyeah!

If there's one thing that the internet has taught me, though, is that there's always some sick bastard out there willing to devout time to undoing the right that once undid a wrong. For some reason, some dick decided to take the studio versions of the aforementioned songs and splice them together so as to reproduce the famous medley. Why? So we can hear the medley with the speaker hum? Is it so that Lars can be way up front in the mix to emphasize just how terrible of a drummer he really is? Why would somebody do this?!

I don't know whether to be impressed or horrified. It's very accurate to the live version, but it's like all the life got sucked out of it.

Punishment: Punch to the dick.

Here's how it's supposed to sound.

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Yngwie Malmsteen: BURN! [Jul. 7th, 2008|09:30 am]
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This one has always kind of eluded me. I didn't know what video this was from, nor was I ever quite sure if it was even Yngwie. I first encountered this song via a certain music "service", which may or may not rhyme with crapster, and there were a lot of songs that I can recall that were mislabeled. I once found a song that was labeled as Yngwie which later turned out to be Impelliteri.

Nevertheless, this cover of Deep Purple's "Burn" actually turned out to be labeled correctly as having been performed by Yngwie. Furthermore, this is now the first time I've ever heard the complete recording of this, as the copy I had previously was incomplete. It used to cut right after the solo, which really pissed me off.

Ah, Yngwie. You're the only metal guy who still has a perm.
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City Of Heavenly Sin [Jul. 1st, 2008|04:00 pm]
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No, not Las Vegas. Behold, the "Gates Of Babylon", as performed by Rainbow.

Rainbow was Ritchie Blackmore's second band after David Coverdale and Glenn Hughes ruined Deep Purple. And in an ironic way, he accomplished this by ruining someone else's band. He basically "joined" Elf, a band fronted by future heavy metal D&D lyric master, Ronnie James Dio. After the initial release, Blackmore fired everyone except for Dio, replacing them with more recognizable musicians, such as drummer Cozy Powell and bassist Bob Daisley. (...although, I understand that Daisley's contributions to the band were pretty neglegable.)

Rainbow is one of those bands that you may not have ever heard of despite having heard their songs on the radio before. That's the way it was with me. I had heard "Since You've Been Gone" at least a dozen times before realizing that it was Rainbow. I love that song!

I also love "Gates Of Babylon". The song is the crowning jewel of the Long Live Rock And Roll album, a fairly hokey album full of radio-friendly crap, like the title track and "Kill The King". Suddenly, about halfway through the cavity-inducing metal pop, you're slapped in the face with one of the most imaginative songs of the era, and a personal best for both Blackmore and Dio.

There's also a kick-ass Yngwie Malmsteen version. And I'd post it, except that it doesn't appear to be on YouTube. Drat!
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Remember when Black Sabbath had BALLS? [Jun. 30th, 2008|08:45 am]
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...And then Ozzy rejoined. HAHAHA! Ahem...

Totally unappreciated, Black Sabbath made some kick ass shit in the late 80s and early-to-mid 90s. With both Ronnie James Dio and Tony "The Cat" Martin at the mic, they forged some of the best music of the post-Ozzy era. Check some of this shit out.

"Computer God" W/ Ronnie James Dio
This song not only has one of my favorite guitar solos ever, it's also has a very interesting theme of man being taken over by machine. This is the THE song that inspired the Crimson Gestalt. "Send in the child for connection!"



"I Witness" W/ Tony "The Cat" Martin
Despite calling himself "The Cat", there aren't too many bad things I can say about Tony Martin. He was the longest-serving singer in Black Sabbath, that is, before Ozzy returned in 1998 for the band's DECADE OF SILENCE, in which no new material ever surfaced. I was among the few who was very mad when Martin got fired. The guy can fuckin' sing.

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Black Sabbath Rant [Feb. 14th, 2008|02:00 pm]
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Now, this may shock a number of you, but I'm a metal head. "NO WAY!" "GET OUT!" Yeah, it's true. My taste in music is pretty much derivative of 80s hard rock and heavy metal. AC/DC, Mötley Crüe, Alice Cooper, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and so on.

And then, of course, there's Ozzy. I used to be pretty into Ozzy, but lately I've rebelled. I still listen to his albums, but I'm much more a fan of who he's playing with than Ozzy himself. Even so, I haven't bought an Ozzy album in nearly ten years. (That's not saying much, because there's hardly been any new Ozzy albums in the last ten years!)

Of course, being a fan of Ozzy for some time, I also became a fan of Black Sabbath. For a while, I had held pretty religiously to the original 8 albums, but after a while, I soon began to notice that I only held half of them in any regard. Some albums, such as the original self-titled release, Master Of Reality, and Sabotage, are actually among my favorites, while albums such as Vol. 4 or Paranoid merely occupied my CD shelf on principle rather than being albums I actually enjoyed listening to. In fact, I'm pretty sure I haven't listened to either of those albums since 1995.

After a while, curiousity overcame me and I did the unthinkable by purchasing The Headless Cross, an album that certainly lacks Ozzy. I was pleasantly surprised that not only was the album good, but the singer, Tony "The Cat" Martin, was actually superior to Ozzy. It was also refreshing not to have to listen to Ozzy's peace and love crap that tended to creep into a lot of later Sabbath tunes. It was dark, moody, and filled with a lot of great riffs. Yeah! Why haven't I listened to this stuff before?!

I also got Dehumanizer, the third and (as of this date) last album to feature singer Ronnie James Dio. (The "Heaven And Hell" line-up will be releasing an album this year, but more on that in a bit.) Dehumanizer is easily my favorite Sabbath album of all, having dark lyrics and Dio's signature wail. ...And that's something, because I'm not exactly a big fan of Dio's solo career. (I do like his Rainbow era, though.)

After that, I ended up buying all of them, including the two that everyone knows not to buy, The Eternal Idol and The Seventh Star. Trust me, there is nothing redeeming anywhere on either of those two albums. But if you really want the crowning jewel of the post-Ozzy era, I strongly suggest picking up Born Again, the Sabbath album featuring ex-Deep Purple screamer Ian Gillan. (Some of you gamers will recognize him as the singing voice from the X-Box 360 game Blue Dragon.)

When it was announced in the late 90s that Ozzy would be returning to Black Sabbath, I was as excited as anyone. But that that excitement started to wane as it became increasingly obvious that no new album would be coming forth. In fact, all creativity in Black Sabbath had come to a hault. Tony Iommi fired singer Tony Martin (for not being Ozzy, as it were) and finished his contractual obligation to IRS Records by releasing a "best of" collection. In the wake of this disaster came a live album (OH JOY!) with two new (and totally lame) Sabbath tunes, performed with Ozzy.

You know, this kind of reminds me of the stupid Kiss reunion from like ten years ago. Remember when everyone got so excited when Kiss did that MTV special, where Ace and Peter came back? Smelling nostalgia, Gene and Paul promptly ditched the excess baggage (Eric Singer and Bruce Kulick) to tour for an eternity with the old line-up. But then they never did anything! Sure, they released Psycho Circus, but that sucked. The album, though, would be aptly named, as Kiss ceased to be recording artists and went about being a traveling carnival act. And you know what? Ace and Paul aren't even with them anymore, and Eric Singer is back on drums. Wasn't that worth it?!

...Well, I suppose if it's worth it to say that you saw the original line-up of Kiss. Me, I'm not nearly as proud of that fact.

Even if Black Sabbath did start recording an album with Ozzy, which allegedly they are, I don't think I could bear to exert any excitement for it. For one thing, Ozzy's ability to sing has deteriorated over the years. So much so that I have to wonder if today's diehard Ozzy fans are either tone-deaf or stupid. And my pessimism is exasserbated by the fact that they actually fired a much better singer just to get back with Ozzy. Fuck!

And how ironic is it that the recent reforming of the Dio era line-up actually managed to pool together enough creativity to record and release new material in a much shorter time frame than the ten-year-old Ozzy reunion? Not only did they release three new and astonishingly good songs last year, but they've thrown the gauntlet to the ground and promised an entire full-length album this year!

The only caveat is that they can't be Black Sabbath, which is total bullshit. They have to be Heaven And Hell. Fine, whatever. When I pick up the album, I'm going to take a Sharpie to it and write Black Sabbath on the cover, anyway.

But to make a point here, let me present three videos that will showcase the three major line-ups of Sabbath. The first with Ozzy, the second with Tony Martin, and the third with Ronnie James Dio.

For the Ozzy and Tony Martin videos, I've selected the same song, so as to allow you guys at home to contrast and compare. I've even gone out of my way to find the best possible recording of a recent Ozzy show, and the best possible performance at that! Still, quality differences aside, I think it's fairly obvious that Ozzy basically drones his way through the song, while singer Tony Martin provides a much livelier performance.

...and of course, Dio smokes them both, even though it sounds like he has cotton in his mouth. (Actually, it might just be his dentures.)

Ozzy Osbourne

Tony "The Cat" Martin

Ronnie James Dio
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Limozeen Vs. Racer X [Jan. 22nd, 2008|06:00 pm]
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Remember those guys in that band Limozeen? Everyone's favorite parody of 80s metal. How acurate is the spoof? Well, compare them to an actual 80s metal band and see for yourself!

LIMOZEEN


Racer X

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