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TV's Mr. Neil

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Jackie Chan is Awesome [May. 6th, 2008|06:30 pm]
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James Rolfe provides yet another tribute to Jackie Chan.

By the way, if you're reading this RIGHT NOW at 6:30, tonight is the airing of the episode of Wheel Of Fortune I attended. You can't see me in the audience, though.
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Rocky Jumped A Park Bench [Apr. 30th, 2008|05:25 pm]
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There are only a handful of people on the entire internet I'd actually like to meet. James Rolfe is one of them. Everyone knows him at the Angry Video Game Nerd, but when he's not taking a dump on old NES cartridges, throwing hadokens at old consoles, or harassing the Wally Bear hotline, he's actually one of the most astonishingly pleasant people I've ever seen. Even not having met him in person, I'm amazed everything I hear him interviewed or see him unscripted on the internet. He's almost bashful when confronted by his adoring fans.

It's rare that we get to see the real James in a video, but every now and then, he lets his guard down and gives us a moment where he is the one acting like a fan. Check out his recent tribute to Rocky.

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Ben Stein Crushed Under THUNDERFOOT! [Apr. 22nd, 2008|07:00 am]
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Okay, yes, I still have a monsterous bug up my ass about this movie, even though it did absolutely nothing over the weekend. Watch as our old pal Thunderfoot lays to waste any doubt that Ben Stein, co-writer of Expelled, has absolutely zero understanding of the subject matter.


How is it, that in 2008, we STILL have people in this discussion that don't know the fundamental differences between biology, cosmology, and chemistry? You'd think it would be very easy. The etymology alone should reveal the obvious blunders in Ben Stein's amazing stupidity. Biology=life. Cosmology=the cosmos. Chemistry=chemicals. Ben Stein=idiot. See? A third-grader could figure this out.

Now, while Thunderfoot does make a valid argument about the slimey way in which Ben Stein and Mark Mathis went about getting interviews (essentially to gather sufficient footage from which to quote-mine), he failed to produce the single biggest trump card against Ben Stein's claim, which is simply that they had decided upon the name Expelled long before the interviews began. This can be proven by simply going to Who Is and typing in expelledthemovie.com. What you'll see is that the site was registered on March 1, 2007. Richard Dawkins, PZ Myers, Eugenie Scott, and Michael Shermer were all interviewed later that same year.

Changed the name of the movie, eh? Bullshit. You had the title before you even interviewed any of the major biologists featured in the film. The only thing that keeps changing is the story that Mathis and Stein give to the media regarding this issue. To throw your own question back at you, Ben, what are you so afraid of that you have to hide something?


Anyone? Anyone?

Why do people get angry at creationists? Only creationists don't understand why.
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Like a fart in church... [Apr. 20th, 2008|05:50 pm]
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A visual metaphor of Expelled's weekend performance.

Far from the projected $23 million that the executive producer forcasted, Expelled, the movie that teachers a new generation of creationists that ad hominem arguments are acceptable discourse, barely broke even at a measley 3.4 mil. To answer the belligerant question, "What are you (Darwinists) so afraid of?", the answer is, obviously, not Expelled, although I'm still worried about America continuing to wallow in the intellectual stupor that even allows such a movie to break even.

Don't worry, Michael Moore, your record is in absolutely no danger. Not that you were worried about it, as you're probably just rolling out of bed right now.

Actually, the movie didn't do too terribly bad, considering its budget. I mean, even for such a poor showing, the movie may actually yet thrive on the same principle of minor success that keeps food on Uwe Boll's table. That is to say, low budgets means that even low grossing movies can profit. Still, once all the money is divvied up, nobody's going to get rich off of this thing.

Better start praying to the DVD fairy, Mathis.


Actual attendance shown of a weekend screening of Expelled

Okay, so it was in the top ten movies this month. But when you consider that it beat out the new Owen Wilson movie, that's not saying much. This is the dead season for movies. If this had been July, Expelled would have been eaten alive. If the movie even tops $5 million, that would be shocking, as the movie will inevitably begin its rapid slalom down the playbill.

I give it another week before it's naturally selected out of the theaters and rendered extinct.

Hey, Ben! America says...
YOUR MOVIE SUCKS!
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Expelled flunks in reviews [Apr. 18th, 2008|02:25 pm]
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Ah, there's nothing like the sweet, sweet sound of intelligence coming from movie reviewers across the nation:

The New York Times: Resentment Over Darwin Evolves Into a Documentary
Chicago Tribune: Ben Stein Monkeys With Evolution
Chicago Sun-Times: Stein's Case Bad Beyond Belief
E! Review: "Anyone? Anyone?"
Salt Lake Tribune: Stein Shuns Intelligent Debate in Dishonest "Expelled"
Star Tribune: Propoganda piece "Expelled" Flunks
Baltimore Sun: "Expelled" Failing To Make An Argument
The Flick Filosopher: Nazis! It’s all about Nazis!


The single best commentary on the film comes from Maryann Johanson from the Flick Filosopher:
"In a parallel universe even crazier than our own, Ben Stein is making a documentary about how the Nazis utilized the controversial theory of gravity to make bombs that fall from the sky to the earth, and so the theory of gravity must be wrong."

Exactly.

Of course, the opinions of various movie reviewers are largely irrelevent, especially when the movie already has a built in "teh media is ebil" clause. There are better resources for knocking down Ben Stein's wall of lies, damned lies, utter stupidity, and jaw-dropping ignorance. But it does feel good to look through the reviews and see that America is not so easily duped by nonsense.

The scientists are doing a pretty good job of fighting back, but there is one thing that's kinda pissing me off about the way the scientists are handling this movie. They're all pussy-footing around the notion that someone could get fired over intelligent design. Damn it! You don't have to apologize for that! Any scientist who tries to publish a paper that says, "This system is too complex, therefore it was designed by a supernatural being", SHOULD BE FIRED! Any university professor who shows gross incompetence and/or outright lies to his/her students about the nature of a scientific theory SHOULD BE FIRED! Anyone who circumvents the review protocols of a publication for the sake of publishing something that is not appropriate for the theme of that publication SHOULD BE FIRED! We're talking about people who are paid to contribute to the education of tomorrow's thinkers and the improvement of society in general, and we're worried about whether or not they were fired for clearly not doing their jobs. Damn it! You don't need to pay someone to say "God did it". There are people who do that for free on SUNDAY!

FIRED!!!!

But I'm not going to let that spoil my feel-good buzz, because now I hear that the film makers have also drawn the wrath of Yoko Ono, seeing as they chose to use the John Lennon song Imagine without permission. Get 'em, Yoko! Sing at them! Make them beg for mercy.

Unfortunately, I'm still sure that this movie is going to blow the doors off the movie theaters this weekend, but at least we can rest easy knowing when they're putting together the design for the DVD jacket, they'll have to stick to review quotes from religious organizations. There won't be any regular media quotes to put on the jacket. That is, unless they quotemine the reviewers the way they quotemine the scientists.

"This ... is ... a ... movie."
-Chicago Tribune
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Pogo For President! [Apr. 9th, 2008|07:15 am]
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A few posts back, I went on one of my fan-enduced rants about how great the original King Kong is. The movie is a marvel of stop motion animation, even by modern standards. Sure, it's not as polished as the stuff we have today, but it was way ahead of its time.

With he election season upon, how could I nearly forget one of my favorite stop-motion animated features of all-time, Pogo For President?! (a.k.a. I Go Pogo) If I'm not mistaken, I believe it was an adaptation of an earlier body of work by Pogo comic artist Walt Kelly, who was long dead by then. However, I've never seen the actual comic story this is based on.

And not to show my age or anything, but this movie is so old that I actually remember video taping it off of Spectrum, a Chicago-based subscription TV service that worked by descrambling a broadcast UHF signal (Channel 66) during a time that Chicago didn't have cable services. Such a service is absurd by today's standards. Even then, it wasn't tremendously difficult to descramble analog pay channels.

In fact, the TV in my bedroom was notorious for defeating scrambled channels. Hey, it wasn't like I modded it! I just noticed one day that I was picking up Wrestlemania for no apparent reason. It wasn't until some time later that I mentioned it to my dad, who, of course, didn't mind watching a few free movies every now and then at the expense of HBO, Showtime, and whatever pay-per-view service we had. But I think I'm digressing.

The point is that this was the early 80s, and it was back in a day when shit like Gumby was what you had for stop-motion animation. I hate Gumby so much. In contrast, this was incredibly animated, and all you needed was one viewing to spoil you for life. It is impossible to watch Gumby after watching Pogo For President. Pogo truly set a standard that would later be matched (and then surpassed) by Wallace and Gromit.

The voice work was top notch, too, featuring most prominantly the voices of Vincent Price and Jonathan Winters, the latter voicing two roles. The features a number of great actors with whom I'm not fully aquainted, but one that stands out is Arnold Stang, who some of you children of the 80s will remember as the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee.

The movie had a very peculiar theory of color. Like the comic, it didn't use a lot of primary colors. For a film that takes place in a swamp, you very seldomly see the color green (aside from ol' Albert the alligator!). The trees were a very peculiar color, and the folliage was almost blue. Back in those days, I didn't realize that the animators were trying to copy the arresting style of the comic, so I tried in vain to adjust the tint on the TV, much the annoyance of my folks. You could tell that there was care put into this film so as not to dishonor the source property.

Sadly, this was the 80s, and despite all creative attempts to keep this pure and wholesome, there was some 80sness that crept into the picture. Namely the music. While the music, for the most part, stayed in context with the southern setting, it did occaisionally creep into 80s pop by playing a number of irritating songs that had nothing to do with the story. All of a sudden, there'd be a Pogo music video in the middle of the movie.

Also unfortunate is that there are no good videos online of Pogo For President, aside from this clip featuring Porky Pine voiced by Jonathan Winters. It doesn't really do the feature any justice, though.



If you've never encountered Pogo before, you're in for an initial shock. The dialogue is almost entirely done in local color, meaning that everyone talks with a drawl, and the ignorance of the characters is played for comedy. You actually have to stop and think sometimes to figure out what subject matter they're muddling before you get the joke.

For some time, I didn't even realize that Pogo was a comic series. That is until Bill Watterson, author of Calvin & Hobbes, mentioned Walt Kelly as one of his inspirations. It took me some time to track down an actual Pogo comic, and to this day, my own comic collection is sorely lacking. But, I do make an occaisional trip to the library, so I've been catching up on Pogo and his hilarious band of pals.

Incidentally, Pogo did return to the funny pages, although obviously with new artists behind the strip. Almost universally panned, I didn't mind it so much. The new stips are of the same stylistic quality that has been lacking in newspaper comics since the 70s, even if Walt Kelly himself isn't doing the strip.

In recent years, I've also learned that Pogo For President wasn't the only animated feature based on Pogo. There was another special, entitled The Pogo Special Birthday Special, animated traditionally by Looney Tunes veteran Chuck Jones. The cartoon predates its claymation counterpart, and, naturally, all the voices are completely different. Still, it was a pleasant surprise to find this. And thanks to Youtube, we now have the ability to see it...



What petition do we have to sign to get these two pieces of animation on DVD? Together, even! No sense in releasing them separately. I'd pay for it.

Editorial Note: Hey, wait a minute! I ran some system updates this morning, and Ijust noticed that the YouTube videos no longer have that annoying "Click to activate" thing anymore. Did Microsoft finally pay off whoever it was that was making them do that? At last!
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Kong Lives! [Apr. 7th, 2008|12:30 pm]
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I had a chance to watch the 1976 King Kong for the first time last week on TCM. What can I say? I was totally unimpressed. Even for the era, the effects were laughable. Star Wars was only a year later.

The movie was produced by Dino De Laurentiis, who later went on to create the De Laurentiis Entertainment Group, a film studio that released such time honored classics as Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure, Maximum Overdrive, Evil Dead 2, and my all-time favorite, Transformers: The Movie!

The film's idea of bringing Kong to life was to put a guy in a giant monkey suit. And no, I don't mean that he was dressed for success! I mean, it was really just a guy in a big hairy suit with all the believability that you'd expect from a Godzilla movie. (i.e., none whatsoever)

King Kong himself couldn't really emote. He could be angry and he could be happy. ...and if you use your imagination, he can also look sad. The contrast between these emotions are extreme. When Kong is angry, he looks like death. His eyes are recessed into his pits, and his teeth are all yellow. But when he's happy... oh boy... suddenly he's a fucking Care Bear! I shit you not! He's all sunshine and lollypops for Jessica Lang.

The only actual cool effect was when Kong was washing all the mud off of Jessica by dipping the already scantilly clad woman into the waterfall (Thank you Dino De Laurentiis!), and he blows her dry. His cheeks get all puffy and his lips pucker. That was the only time that I thought, "Oh wow, that's actually kinda cool.".

Oh yeah! Jessica Lang really was the only good part of the movie. A very young Jessica Lang in tattered, revealing clothing, that is! *POP!* *BOI-OING!* I can't say much for her "acting", but she was making that movie very watchable.

The movie also stars Jeff Bridges as some eco-hippie anthropologist (because Hollywood hadn't yet invented COOL scientist characters, like Alan Grant or Dr. Eleanor Arroway) and... *yawn* ...Charles Grodin as the stand-in for Carl Denham. Charles Scrotum's character was some oil tycoon who wanted to exploit the island's resources, even at the expense of robbing the natives out of their land.

Oh jeez, all I want to do is watch a movie about a giant gorilla, but I have to sit through all this whiny crap about oil and capitalism! What, did Michael Moore and Al Gore jerk each other off while writing this hunk of turd?

This movie also has the annoying trend that was carried over into Peter Jackson's version, where Kong is played much more sympathetically, even to the point where the human characters are expressing moral outrage at Kong's exploitation. Not that I enjoy seeing animals exploited, chained-up, and mistreated, but it's such a deviation from what happens in the original 1933 version. I'm just tired of people pretending as though there's an Ann/Kong substory/relationship in King Kong.

In the original Kong, the human characters could really have cared less about Kong. Yes, the point of the movie was that well enough should have been left alone and that Kong was happier and safer on his own island, but there never was an element of sympathy from ANY of the human characters. Even as Kong risks his life to save Ann from various dangers, she's desperately trying to get away. She pretty much screams throughout the entire picture any time Kong's near her. She and Jack even participate in the exploitation of Kong that takes place in the theater scene. Neither she nor Jack even react when Kong is shot off the Empire State Building, and it was even Jack's idea to shoot him down.

The character sympathy for Kong in 1933 was much more in retrospect, and it only really comes to light in the sequel Son Of Kong, but the less said about that movie, the better. All I can say is that I guess Merian C. Cooper wanted some redemption for the Carl Denham character, since he's basically a caricature of Cooper himself.

The original film will always be my favorite of three for various reasons. For one, it's a 1930s flick, which means you get that nice snappy 1930s dialogue that I love so much. It's also a bit more of a fantasy film. The island doesn't require any explanation, and it doesn't need one. For some reason, there's an island of dinosaurs with a giant ape. End of story.

Peter Jackson's film thought that Kong deserved some implicit biological explanations, so he inserted shots of Kong skeletons into the mountain top scene, and he even evolved the dinosaurs beyond their prehistoric counterparts. Now come on! The whole point of having dinosaurs on this island is so that we can see Kong take on a T-rex. Not that lame "V-rex". (Besides, shouldn't those therapods have feathers, Pete?)

Oh, that reminds me! The one element totally absent from the 1976 Kong was danger on the island. There are no dinosaurs ANYWHERE! The only other sign of life on the island is this giant rubber snake that comes out of nowhere and attacks Jessica Lang. It's the only lucky break that allows for her rescue. Otherwise, you're left to assume that Kong is the only other lifeform on the whole fucking island.

In fact, when the humans do a radar sweep of the island, they actually get a lone red monkey-shaped blip, indicating that Kong is nearby. Actually, the blip on the radar kind of looked more like Donkey Kong. Sadly, the cement factory stage was still nowhere in sight.

I purchased the original King Kong on DVD when it was released in a 2005 box set with Son Of Kong and Mighty Joe Young. Alternatively, I could have gotten Kong by itself in a special tin case, but since it was the exact same price, I figured that the benefits of having two extra movies far outweighed that of having a lousy tin case.

And here's a useless piece of trivia. (Trivial trivia, if you will!) The 1933 King Kong is the first movie to ever receive a commentary track. Sadly, the track originates from the laserdisc version and wasn't transferred to the current DVD version. (Not that I mind getting a commentary track featuring the legendary Ray Harryhausen!)

Having seen all three renditions of Kong now, that leaves only the colorized 1933 version to see. Not surprisingly, it hasn't made the transfer to DVD. I understand that most people, including myself, prefer black and white movies to remain in black and white, but I've always found colorized films to be worth watching at least once. Even though most of those colorized films from the late 80s look as though they were colorized in crayon.

I have seen clips of it, and while some of the coloring is mildly laughable, it's not entirely bad...



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Zelda Movie Trailer [Apr. 2nd, 2008|12:35 pm]
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I love April Fool's Day...



http://movies.ign.com/dor/articles/863515/legend-of-zelda-movie-trailer/videos/legendofzelda_filmtrailer_040108.html
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Transformers "Soundtrack" [Mar. 24th, 2008|08:15 am]
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Just for shits and giggles, I went to look up the Transformers movie soundtrack on Amazon. No, not the GOOD one from 1986. I mean last year's three-hour (or so it seemed) abomination about humans who beat up robots called Decepticons and a bunch of useless robots called Autobots who help them. (ugh... do I really have to get into that again?)

So I'm listening to the samples they got there on Amazon, and I'm actually shocked that it's as bad as it is. Soundtracks are notoriously crapfests, but this one is particularly offensive as it skews extremely teen in it's target audience. For some reason, the producers though that the perfect soundtrack for a Transformers film would be emo. Why? That doesn't even seem to fit in with Michael Bay's smash-cut style of male egoism that made it impossible for him to have anyone other than the Marines be the stars of a movie about giant robots.

It's pretty bad when Disturbed is the best act on the soundtrack. They're not anywhere near being my favorite band, but on this album, they might as well be Stan Bush. Everything else is just garbage.

In all, there are only three other bands on here that I've even heard of. You got Smashing Pumpkins, but it's not even a good Pumpkins song. ...even though that might potentially be oxymoronical. Linkin Park: SUCKS. Goo Goo Dolls: SUCKS.

The rest of them are all bands that I've never even heard of. You've got bands like Taking Back Sunday, Armor For Sleep, Idiot Pilot, and Julien-K... Who ARE these people? And get this, about a third of this album wasn't even in the movie. The producers simply threw extra songs on here and called them "inspired by", as if that's even true.


Inspiring lousy musicians to write crappy songs


And that's kind of irritating, because there were at least a few good songs in the movie, but since they were all written prior to 2007, I suppose that's why they were left out.

The worst song on the album, though, is the Transformers theme by Mutemath. Oh god, why is it so hard for bands to cover the Transformers theme right? It's a single chorus line. There aren't even any verses. I feel like one of those old men who get get all upset whenever R&B singers do the national anthem. Even the 1986 Lion version, as terrible as it was, was not nearly as offensive as this one. Mutemath sounds like he's sedated, like there's this war going on with alien robots, but there's nothing to get excited about. Goddammit! This soundtrack should be exciting!

You know who would do a great Transformers theme? Iron Maiden.
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LG Super Blu [Dec. 22nd, 2007|11:45 am]
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This is fucking cool! It's the first ever HD-DVD/Blu Ray player on the market.


This is precisely the gadget that I've been waiting for. Too bad it's $900 (The video gives a different price, but that's because it's old). Oh well, I can wait a little bit longer in joining the HD format race. Eventually, this thing will come down in price, or someone will make a competing model that will be cheaper.

Taking a cue from the great video game console wars of the 90s, I've learned to not be hasty in selecting the format of choice. On the other hand, there are films on both HD and Blu Ray that I wouldn't mind owning, and thus getting a hybrid player is rather tempting. Unless a whole pile of money lands in my lap, I'm not going to own one for a while.
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GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, Transformers sucked! [Dec. 20th, 2007|10:00 am]
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Bitch bitch bitch bitch! )
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